beast, not beauty (rccolagal) wrote,
beast, not beauty
rccolagal

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Panic attacks suck.

I hate mornings like these.

I woke up with my heart pounding in my chest. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. Usually, I just wake up and don't want to get out of bed, but that's always been the standard operating procedure for me.

Part of it is that... I don't want to show my face at work. I don't think I can face her. (Yes you.)

I saw you briefly yesterday, and on top of all the other things that are crushing my world, you were there.

You know I love you, but seeing you reaching perfection makes me feel like I am hopeless.

You should be my inspiration, but instead, I'm lying here in bed, with all the time in the world to do something productive with myself, but I'm thinking "what's the point?"

Yesterday, a classmate of mine came up to me and said, "How did you do it? You look so completely different! I remember our freshman year together, and now, this! You inspired me to take control!"

And of course we were in front of a giant, floor to ceiling mirror. (god, typing this makes me want to fling my laptop from the top of my fucking bed).

I didn't know what to say, so I told her that it was nice of her to feel that way, but she could choose a better idol. Someone who actually SUCCEEDS.

Because that wouldn't be me.
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